What Should of Been?
by eclare22409
Summary: They were the ideal couple. Clare Edwards and Elijah "Eli" Goldsworthy, a year set them apart in age, but in everything else they were equals. They planned their lives together, but a cruel twist in faith causes them to have very different lives today. Now it's been almost five years since they've seen or talked to each other, but life as they know it is forever going to change.
1. Chapter 1

**What should have been?**

**I don't own Degrassi.**

**As silly as it may seem that kiss, that single passionate kiss, shared to seal their new chance meant more to her than anything material that he could have ever given her. They were the ideal couple. Clare Edwards and Elijah "Eli" Goldsworthy, a year set them apart in age, but in everything else they were equals. They planned their lives together, but a cruel twist in faith causes them to have very different lives today. Now four years later, at a very elegant awards ceremony Eli, a renowned author just 6 years after graduating from Degrassi meets a little boy who can very well be his mini me with the sole exception that he has these bright blue eyes that are so familiar and joyous to him but felt so hurtful at the same time. Little did he know that another pair of blue eyes, identical to the ones that he was seeing in this little boy, was shocked to see him after four long years.**

**She was pale, not her regular alabaster skin tone, but white like if she had seen a ghost. In fact she had was seeing a ghost, a ghost from her past was right in front of her talking to her son. He was him. That boy that she was in love with since he ran over her glasses, that same boy she laid with under that stars in a hammock wishing for a happy future, the boy that fought so hard to be with her, the same boy who broke her heart that faithful august day four almost five years, was standing a mere fifteen feet away from her talking to her whole world, her son Matthew. She knew that her secret was going to come out. How could it not. How could he not know that he was talking to his own son. The only other thing she thought about was, what could of happen if she had told him the truth all those years ago, would these past four years be different. Then that thought left her mind immediately after knowing that he stopped loving her and she didn't want to tie him down with a child that's why she never told him. She did the right thing. "I did the right thing he didn't love me anymore", was all that she can think of to justify this situation in front of her, this situation that she hoped never would happen but knew one day would. Then one little thought floated to her mind, that same thought that inevitably made her way to her mind at night as well as her dreams. "What should have been my life with Eli and Matthew?" "What should have been?" **

Next chapter will have their P.O.V. And will have some of their past revealed. Bear with me it my first story ever. I'll try to update soon .


	2. Chapter 2 A Very Distant Past

**Chapter 2 A Very Distant Past**

**I Don't Own Degrassi**

Clare Flashback

(Clare and Alli are getting ready in Clare's room for Adam and Drew's holiday party.)

"What was I thinking, telling him to wait to talk to him after break"

"Am I an idiot, what if he meets someone what if he just wants to be friends, Oh God What if he is completely over me?" Clare said to Alli, all her best friend can do was just sit there and giggles thru the insanity of an Eli –Clare meltdown, let's face it this wasn't her first and it sure as hell wouldn't be her last…

"Really, your laughing at me, Alli this is serious. I made a huge mistake by letting myself think that I didn't love him anymore, only to realize that I am over the top head over heels in love with him, all of him the good the bad the strange, the Eli…Tell me what should I do Alli"

"Calm down Clare, BREATH" Alli said gently shaking the panicked girl in front of her.

"OK, breathe in." Clare said out loud.

Alli saw Clare take a deep breath and just stood there.

"Oh come on Clare, breath out too, are you that out of it that you're forget basic human function such as breathing?, What does Eli have you on that makes you, so un-you. Where's the confident, smart, beautiful, and talented Clare Edwards I know. The girl who had the courage to tell off holly j when that whole incident with the vibrator happen, sorry by the way, or the girl who stood up to Jenna about the breast surgery rumor she created, or my favorite where is the girl that had the courage to go for what she wanted and kiss Mr. Goldsworthy, cause I kind of want her back." Alli stated

"I'm just scared that I messed this up, again." Clare said feeling broken yet again.

"Clare, listen to me Eli, no matter what loves you, no matter the problems you had or WILL have he is always going to love you, you just got to make sure that you tell him everything you feel. Don't let anything out." Alli said hugging her best friend. "OK, enough of this lovey gushy moment we're having, let's get you all dolled up, a cute outfit, pretty hair, a dash of makeup and that make for a perfect night"

"Alli, I don't think I want to go. I'm not in the party mood" Clare said

"Your never in the party mood, I doubt you even have one. Besides Eli will be there, and you can finally talk, and by a slim absolutely miniscule tiny chance it doesn't go well, then there will be a lot of people there that you can disappear in the crowd being it very hard to follow."

"Alli I don't know…. (Thinking: should I go and talk to him, will I be able to contain myself, from kissing him, or dragging him to the nearest room and showing him exactly how much I need him. No Clare stop that, damn I think I should stop reading all these vamp fiction novels there finally getting to me..Ahh what to do what to do, of screw this we both know that Alli is going to drag me with her no matter what I say.) Ok I'll go" Clare said somewhat defeated but somewhat hopeful.

"AHHHH, yes now let's get ready" Alli said a little cheery.

"Hey, where did Jenna run off too?"…Clare asked

"JAKE" both said in a fit of giggles

"Ok let's get ready" Alli said

A few hours later at the Torres residence

"Alli, Clare you made it" Adam said bear hugging the girls

"Well Mr. Torres, nice party who would have thought one of the misfits would be an awesome party thrower" Clare nudged

"Well actually it's more Drew's and Bianca's party than mine, I just live here" Adam said smugly, then he noticed how jittery Clare seemed and all he can do was laugh and put her out of her misery

"He's outside Clare, he's nervous and I think it's because he's waiting for you" Adam said

"How did you know" Clare asked with hope in her eyes

"He asked about you all break long, thru text and email even a few phone calls, but what I still can't believe is that you didn't tell me you kissed him, I had thru figure it out from a very not so secretive blubbering Eli, who spilled only after about two minutes of my interrogation" Adam easily said

"Ha, it only took me a minute to get it out of Clare" Alli said very smugly

"Ok then what should I do"

And in unison both said "GO, Talk to him", Adam "he's outside on the balcony, on the bench"

And before she could say anything she was being pushed thru the party to the door that led to him a deep breath and she was outside looking at him hoping for the best but preparing for the worst

"Do you think they know we purposely got them here tonight so they can talk?"

"No Adam, I don't think they have an idea that we planned this, good job getting Drew to throw this party"

"Well it wasn't that hard to convince him, actually it only took a 'hey mom and dad are leaving let's have a party' and walla we have a party, I only hope these two can finally work thru their issues, I can take any more of their drama"

"Yeah I know, the 'I love him but does he love me' or the 'too much has happen he won't forgive me' when we both know that they pretty say the same thing about each other"

"The thing is that they don't know that they forgave each other a long time ago, and that's because they don't talk" Adam said

"Well they aren't coming inside until they talk it out" Alli said as she was locking the door and closing the blinds and turning to Adam

"They need their privacy, besides there's a party we should be having fun…now I'm going to go find Dave"

"Last time I saw him he was in the kitchen, Have fun" Adam said, Alli hugged him and left

Adam still stood there for a minute wondering what was going on but then left, it was a party so he went to enjoy it.

Clare stood there frozen, not knowing what to do, wondering if he knew she was there and if he was dreading this or hoping for this.

Not paying attention she didn't notice him finally notice her and began to talk

"So my back from holiday break, I think we owe each other a talk" he said

"Yeah, but before you say anything let me talk, I'm sorry, for everything Eli…I was so wrong about so many things, I shouldn't of left that night in the hospital but I was scared, I'm sorry for using Jake to try to forget you and I'm sorry but making myself believe that I wasn't in love with you and that I was in love with him, I did care about him but never in the way that I cared about you…since the first day I saw you, I've cared for you and I can't believe how full of myself I've been…that night in the hospital I thought only about myself how I was scared and I was hurt I never thought about what you were feeling and with everything with Jake making you think that I was over you I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything Eli, I hate myself for everyt"

In that moment Eli kiss her; he let out all feelings for her. He moved his lips in sync with hers he slowly started deepening the kiss, he slowly moved his tongue to massage hers, he was surprised she didn't stop him, in the heat of passion he moved from her lips to her neck, sucking on it making her scrim and moan under her breath then he moved back to her lips and continued the kiss this time it was her who started deepening the kiss which he didn't mind after a few minutes he bite her bottom lip first and pulled away….connecting their and taking heavy breaths

"Clare I already forgave you, I just wasn't sure that you forgave me for everything I did, but know that I know I think we should take another chance, no we owe ourselves to be together to give each other another chance, I don't mean that we should start all over cause can't forget, we have too much history, but let's just be together and work thru our problems and be happy, What do you say, be my girlfriend?"

Without a hesitating thought in her mind Clare, smiled and happily said "Yes, a million times yes"

And kiss him, and this kiss felt like it just sealed their new beginning…. But then she came out of the blurred vision, Clare was day dreaming of that day six years ago, the same dream that occasionally comes to her dreams, but now Clare was still in shock six years after that moment he was there in front of her but this time she didn't love him, or at least she didn't want to love him for all the pain he caused her. The truth was going to come out and she was afraid of it. But what she didn't know was, what her next step should be….to go to him and confront him or to not pay attention to him it was a big party he hadn't seen her and he didn't have to….

"what should I do what should I do" Clare kept asking herself….

**Well this was chapter two I hope you like it…I don't know how long this story is going to be, but to clear things up, I am going to have one or maybe two other chapters about the past to explain the entire story with a few snip bits of the present…and later on it should get a little graphic… so read and enjoy, review if you'd like and hope you like it**


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